Talk Back with Ellen Wood

How can I stay in the “now” when the “now” won’t stay still?

These are the Rockies, forgodsakes, and there are no guardrails! I’m driving up Gold Hill Mountain northwest of Boulder, grateful that the mountain’s on my right because the drop off on the other side is a sheer cliff – probably a canyon with no bottom, though I can see the tops of enormous pines over there on the left.

I’ve come here for one week to live at an ashram and practice present moment awareness. This is an important step for expanding consciousness as well as growing younger (which has been my special focus since I almost succumbed to Alzheimer’s after it took my mother.) I’ve found it’s easier to develop a new habit when I’m alone with no phone, no internet and no family, friends or dog to distract me.

But I’m flunking so far. All I can think about is how I’m going to get down the mountain when it’s time to go home. That’s the bottomless, guardrail-less side and I can just imagine the number of cars that took a Thelma-and-Louise dive on a snowy night.

Right now it’s raining and my car is slipping and sliding in brown goo on this steep dirt road. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I say, half praying, half begging, half blaspheming. Oh, wait a minute. The Sacred Mountain Ashram I’m heading for embraces the wisdom of all spiritual paths but has its genesis in Hinduism. Ganesh! Vishnu! Shanti! I shout the only three names I can think of. (Of course, you don’t have to be Hindu – or any religion – to stay in the guest house. It’s also for people like me, a non-religious seeker of Heart-centered Expanded Consciousness.)

I’m in a cloud now – one I had seen from down below. And ah, yes! I’m right here in the present – totally aware – scared and aware – every nerve ending totally engrossed in what’s going on right this moment. A tiny success but hey! – it’s a success.

And then I see it: a sign on the right proclaiming the name of this sacred place. When I turn in I’m greeted by groves of aspens, their white trunks splattered with dark spots and branches like arms spread wide to give me hundreds of hugs, their newly-born leaves showing off a green that’s reserved only for spring. The pines are no less welcoming, standing straight, ready to jump up and down on their bed of long green grass. The breathtaking views have me stunned and yes, I’m still in the “now.”

I easily find the large dome where five women greet me. All are wearing long, gathered skirts and nondescript blouses and their beautiful, makeup-free faces have a translucent shine that could only emanate from their hearts.

Surely they must think I’m an alien or elderly painted-up showgirl, with my unnatural blonde streaks in mouse brown hair that refuses to turn white, unnatural rosy cheeks and what must seem like tons of mascara.

Hmmm. There I go again – out of the present into some projected concern about what someone will think of me. But I did notice my thoughts, so that counts for something.

These women run the ashram founded by their Beloved Gurudeva, Swami Amar Jyoti, a Fully Realized Being who died in 2001. The ashram publishes a magazine, Light of Consciousness, which is dedicated to our awakening into the Pure Consciousness that dwells within each of us, no matter which path we choose. Each issue carries lively, stimulating articles by respected authors such as Dr. Bruce Lipton and Eckhart Tolle.

The magazine is how I found out about this ashram and the guest house I could rent for a very reasonable rate. And now Sita is showing me around the house which will be my home for the next seven days. It’s a converted stable, totally charming in a funky way – perfect for developing my new habit. I notice that I’m thinking there’s a sweet energy here. Yes! I’m observing my thoughts and being in the present moment.

Practice, practice, practice is my theme for every day of this week. I intend to develop the habit of present moment awareness by stopping at least five times a day for two minutes each time to be in the “now.”

Two minutes is actually a long time to remain in the present. We have a tendency to live in the past and the future. Notice your thoughts and see how difficult it is to be present for even one minute. Breathe through your heart and pay close attention to what’s going through your mind. If you’re like most people, your mind will busy itself with thoughts of something pleasant or unpleasant that happened in the past or may happen in the future. Try it.

When I get home, I’ll put index cards around my house with “BE PRESENT” as reminders. If I need to, I’ll say what I’m doing at the moment: I am taking a dish out of the dishwasher. I am putting the dish in the cupboard, and so on.

Then all I have to do is figure out how to stay in the “now” when the “now” won’t stay still.

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