I’M BACK FROM RETREAT AND GRATEFUL FOR YOUR PATIENCE
It warms my heart to know that you’re still here – that you haven’t clicked on Unsubscribe. And I thank you for sticking around. In fact, I have a gift for you later on in this blog.
They say the year 2012 is a special year and when I look back in my journal, I realize that in this second month of 2012, I am not the same person I was when I first went on retreat the end of July 2011.
Getting here, though, was anything but a bed of roses. The path on my metamorphosis journey included several months of profound despair and fear brought on by the surfacing of old, repeating issues and some I never knew I had – plus painful, gut-wrenching soul searching. On July 25 I started on medication but it didn’t work at all for the first three months.
My saving grace was the almost-daily sessions on the phone with my son Peter and then with my daughter Harper that went something like this:
– What does it feel like, Mom?
– There’s a horrible feeling of dread in the pit of my belly.
– Aren’t you lucky! That’s good! Don’t push it away. Welcome it!
– Welcome it? You’re kidding. I just want it to be gone.
– FEEL it, Mom. Don’t resist. Talk to it. This is your opportunity to allow whatever it is to come up for nurturing.
And so it went. All my other daughters and my friends also comforted me, and made me meals during the worst part. And they loved me. Relief came the end of October when the dread feeling dissipated and I was uplifted by moments of indescribable joy.
What did it? Two things. The first was love. The love I received from family and friends was palpable and I sopped it up. Almost miraculously people I’d never met, subscribers in many countries who had no idea of what I was going through except perhaps on a collective unconscious level, sent loving emails. I have received more of those emails since last July than I had in the previous four years. In addition I gave myself permission to love myself. Really, truly love myself.
The second thing that contributed equally to my change was total surrender. After months of trying to retain some measure of control over my life, I finally stopped and totally surrendered.
But let me back up a little. The message in early July that I was supposed to go on retreat and do inner work couldn’t have been stronger if I had been hit on the head with a 2 by 4. Here’s what happened: we had received numerous requests to offer a DVD of full instructions on how to do the Tibetan Rites of Rejuvenation so in early June my crew and I began videotaping it.
But nothing worked right! One video camera didn’t show up and the other two worked only sporadically even though both worked well before and after they malfunctioned for my project. The sporadic part of filming that did work was then given to an experienced editor. When her efforts produced no usable footage, even after calling in two other experienced videographers/editors, I realized all these obstructions were beyond coincidence and I called a halt to the project.
I proceeded to write a blog of grow younger tips for my subscribers but before I got two sentences written, my barely-a-year-old keyboard broke. I waited for the company to send me a new one and then started on the blog again. Within two weeks my printer broke, my scanner broke, my computer broke, my stereo broke, my refrigerator broke and all but one of my landline phones stopped working.
That was message enough for me! I decided I needed to go on retreat to focus on my inner life and stop pursuing getting subscribers, sales and speaking gigs. I told my subscribers I was going on retreat and pulled the plug on my business – not knowing when, or even if, I would ever return. Then I descended slowly into my dark night of the soul.
And I aged! Last summer weight dropped off me and I became skin and bones. I felt old and I looked old. My face became sallow and my diminished energy had me shuffling around the house like a person far older than my years. I couldn’t feel my Life Force; however, for a while my ego was strong and calling the shots – and telling me how worthless I was and how could I possibly have been teaching people about techniques to grow younger when I myself was aging rapidly.
My daily Tibetan Rites practices were put aside when I didn’t have the energy to make my meals, let alone exercise.
But I prayed hard and I meditated – more often than my usual twice-a-day practice because my kids and my friend Zia insisted. I practiced tapping to release the trauma of emotions stuck in the tissues of my body. It’s called EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. And I journaled, including conversations – more accurately, pleading (my part only), arguing and playing one-upmanship – with F.O., my nickname for God, the Formless One.
And that’s basically what I did for those months, allowing everything to bubble up to the surface, especially my fear of poverty which I’ve had since childhood.
Then, as I explained earlier, I allowed love to envelop me, I surrendered totally and my joy-for-no-reason gradually came back. I began again to practice my daily grow younger mind/spirit/body techniques and quietly celebrated my 75th birthday on November 18 with a small dinner attended by a few of my kids and grandkids. Since December I’ve felt prompted to clean out, organize, give away what I don’t need and simplify my life.
I’m delighted to tell you that I feel younger than ever and have the old zip in my step and enthusiasm for life in my heart. People tell me I look radiant, and on January 21 I danced wildly for hours to the music of the El Rito Rhythm Kings at our neighborhood party.
Today I feel worthy again of sharing with you the practices that are doing so much good for me. And so I’m back and I’m deeply grateful that you’re still here.
My gift for you? It’s one of the products that’s for sale on my website. Because, you see, “I’d rather you stay than pay.” That’s a motto I’m borrowing for this blog from Inc. magazine’s Company of the Year, Evernote (more about them in a subsequent blog.)
I trust that I will be taken care of totally – physically, spiritually, emotionally AND financially – no matter what happens. My primary interest is having you become as healthy and full of joy as I am. And yes! grow younger with me.
Your gift is a download of three of the tracks of my Affirmations to Grow Younger for you to burn your own CD. Here’s the link: http://tinyurl.com/6rnpnwk
The fourth track is my son Peter’s song, “Precious,” but he asked me not to send it along today since he’s close to finishing recording an even better version of that song. But if you don’t want to wait, just send me an email to ellen@howtogrowyounger.com and I’ll forward your request to Peter. It’s the beautiful song that’s in the background of my Five Tibetans YouTube.
You have blessed me by your presence, dear friend; thank you for staying with me. I’m back now, better than ever and raring to go!
Joy and Love,
Ellen
Hi Ellen
I read your email on return from your retreat with true enjoyment – thank you for sharing.
I was just listening to your affirmation audios – track 2 and 3. I smiled a lot during track 2 and track 3 gave me lots of similar thoughts and helped me realise how much progress I am already making – thank you, thank you, thank you!
However, I am not quite sure if I pick and choose affirmations, or listen to and repeat the whole 21 minutes at a time…which I am really happy to do as it made me smile lots! How many times would you suggest listening to and repeating track 3? Is once a day enough? I thought I would do this on the way to work each day-a 20 minute journey – now that’s synchronicity!
Heartfelt blessings to you Ellen, you continue to be a radiant source of inspiration, Trisha
Ah, Trisha – What a delightful comment – thank you! It made me smile all over. Re your question, some months ago two of the emails I got about listening to my affirmations BOTH said almost the same thing: They left home in the morning angry (one because she had a fight with her husband; the other because everything went wrong and the kids missed the school bus, etc.). Well, they listened to the affirmations and repeated each one after me and by the time they got to work, they had totally changed and were feeling full of love – for family AND for themselves.
So – my answer to you is Yes! listen and repeat each one on your way to work. And if your day at work is rough, listen to them again on the way home. Most important: LISTEN WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT. It’s important that you don’t feel pressured to listen/say the affirmations. You don’t want them to ever feel like a chore.
Blessings to you,
Ellen
Hi Ellen,
My darling friend welcome back! I am so moved by your post and rejoice at your necessary journey. It reminds me of a Bible scripture that says: “The race is not given to the swift neither the battle to the strong, but those who endure to the end.”
You are evidence of endurance and strength. It took great strength to acknowledge you were weak and needed respite.
It took tremendous courage to trust the process, believing that no matter how deep the hole of depression, you’d make it out a stronger more vital, vibrant human being.
And it took great humility to receive the love and good counsel from family and friends.
I celebrate you today, in your renewed health and magnificence!
How fortunate I am to have you as a precious friend, Sharon. Thank you for your wonderful remarks. You are a star and on your way to the top. Good luck with your book, your events and all the other projects that are propelling you forward.
Love and Joy!
Ellen
Ellen, Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. It was very generous of you to let us in on what you went through. You never cease to amaze me! When you first told me you were going on retreat to do your inner work I was impressed with your intuition and resolve. After reading what you went through I am inspired and moved by who you are and what you provide to the world. Thank YOU Ellen! I have already learned so much from you and this blog post is no exception. As I do my work I feel more confident knowing I can get through the places I feel blocked. I am so honored to know you.
All the best,
Lisa Giruzzi
Dear Ellen,
Can’t tell you how wonderful it is to hear from you. You have no idea…I wanted to jump out of my chair when I saw your email. And thats beacause I just thought of you this morning…was wondering how you were doing on your retreat & I hear from you in a couple hours…thats AMAZING!!
I am also happy to hear that you came out shining from whatever experiences you had last year, which I guess were important to heal, so you could bounce back beautifully & share your gifts.
I want to mention that I’ve so enjoyed listening to your affirmation & visualization CD. Listening to it always gets me in an amazing mood pretty quickly. Also your book is just AWESOME! I have gifted both the book & the CD to my sister & she enjoys them so much as well.
I Love you Ellen. God bless you! And its my sincere prayer that you keep growing younger in body, mind & spirit & guide everyone else to be the same.
Love,
Kavita
Dear Ellen,
I am over the moon to get the e-mail, I have waited for sooooo long!
I am over the moon that you feel free, joyful and have eager to share again.
You are blessing!
with great LOVE and appreciation
Vili
On Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 8:11 AM, Renee Benefield wrote:
Ellen I want to thank you for sharing your journey with me. You are such and inspiration and I praise our Father for bringing you through with His Love~Nothing compares!!! Thank you for your gift today:) You are such a beautiful lady on the outside and in~excited to grow younger with you! One of the verses from the Bible that I speak out regularly is “I look to YOU and I AM RADIANT”Psalm 34:5. Have a glorious day basking in the Love of Jesus!!!
Big Smiles and Hugs,
Renee
My Dearest, Thank the Formless one you are back and your Well, I also the every one around you that supported you motionally and Spiritually, espesially your Daughters the are born with Supper Supreeme Inteligense.
Blessings Joy & Light
Mike Pieretti Pasparis
WELCOME BACK !!!
Ellen, it is so good to have you share your wisdom with us again. I so look forward to hearing Precious and hope you still plan to do an instructional DVD on the 5 Rites.
Hi Ellen, as I look out into my yard and see all the beauty of spring bulbs waking up from their long winter’s nap, I’m thinking of you and your emergence from a long dark rest, springing back into your usual vitality and well being. You know, I truly believe someone was telling you, “Hey girl, you need to slow down and smell the roses!” I’ve seen that happen to other people and we should be grateful for the message. You help so many people and you forgot the most important one–YOU!
Glad you are back and “rarin to go.” I have had a couple of people ask me how old I am because I sure don’t act it. It really is a mental thing and you have helped me a lot with that.
Take care and enjoy doing what you do best–making other people feel good about themselves.
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