I LIVE WITH A MANIAC!
She never shuts up. Talks incessantly. Trump! Trump! Trump! She’s obsessed with him. Very opinionated about everything.
Like any garden-variety maniac, she’ll get upset about things over which she has absolutely no control. Like the time we were flying back from Australia and on the last leg of our trip, the small plane encountered a storm and was bouncing up and down and sideways.
The truth is, she couldn’t do a darn thing about the situation. But she panicked anyway – grabbed the arm of the young man sitting next to her, who was completely flummoxed by her imposition.
She… who says she’s unafraid of death! She… who says that when she dies, she wants to leave while experiencing a high-frequency vibration. What does she think would happen if the plane plummeted from the sky and crashed? If not death, what? Unafraid? Hah!
Sometimes she says: “I’m happy. Life is good.” I love hearing that and I must say her little chats with herself give me good dialogue when I’m writing fiction.
But her relentless narration of everything she sees, everything she’s thinking; her agreeing with herself, her arguing with herself, drives me crazy.
Here’s a sample: “How awful! No more recycling of plastic or glass in Taos. What a sin.” Then, “Oh, come on. You used to grumble about having to separate all that stuff anyway. Now you pretend you’re so holy and caring about the environment?”
That’s how her conversation with herself sounds. But you know what? I’m glad I’m telling you all this because it means I’m aware of her – I’m
witnessing her – and watching my thoughts is my number one daily practice that’s helping me along my path to youthfulness and joyful living.
She’s been talking inside my head for more years than I can remember, but I wasn’t aware of her constantly jabbering and complaining about aging until 15 years ago. That’s when I “woke up” and realized my beliefs and programming about getting old were creating a life that I did not want.
I heard things like, “I’m going to die of Alzheimer’s just like my mother did.” And, “I have no energy anymore.” And “I’m too old to date.” And “Sure, I’ll go to your house for the 4th of July – if I’m still alive.”
That voice was also giving me organ recitals: “Old age is tough on my intestines.” And “My goodness, the risk of a heart attack increases dramatically for men after age 45 and for women after age 55.”
How about you? Ever notice how that person inside your head is always rambling on – sometimes firing up your creativity – sometimes leaving you stressed out and exhausted?
Well, if your answer is yes, you have noticed, then yay! Just being aware of the voice inside, without judgment, as often as you can is an enormous step toward freeing yourself from mental melodrama.
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