A wilting sex life doesn’t have to be your reality
Somehow our society has accepted the idea that when we get into middle age and beyond, sex becomes less exciting, less pleasurable, less possible. And if that’s what people keep affirming, that’s what they get.
A wilting sex life doesn’t have to be your reality and there are scientific studies that prove this. We can still enjoy passionate sex into our 80s and beyond. Lovemaking actually stirs up the life force within and can help us to grow younger.
Catching ourselves whenever old programming surfaces is an important part of growing younger. Here’s one “affirmation” that’s not expressed openly, but can be subtly damaging our libido, Sex is a problem; I must be getting old.
An unintentional affirmation works just as well as intentional ones do. I keep forgetting where I put my glasses is one of those. You might couch it in stronger terms than I just did but remember, you are affirming something you don’t want to do. The intensity of your feeling, in this case frustration, and how often you say it, will determine the magnitude of your manifestation. Your memory will most likely become worse if you keep repeating that it’s always forgetting things.
Intentional affirmations will not work to their full potential unless you become aware of your mind chatter which could be contradicting what you really want. Let me put it this way: your moment to moment thoughts are all affirmations, and affirmations can be negative too. If they are self-defeating thoughts, you’re accumulating quite a bit of negative momentum.
So catch yourself whenever you’re saying something negative about yourself or worrying about what might happen as you get older. You can use those moments when you catch yourself to turn the thought into a positive affirmation. Let’s say you catch yourself thinking: I’ll never be able to finish a Sudoku puzzle. Red flag goes up. Now is your opportunity to create a positive affirmation: I’m getting better at Sudoku all the time! This negates the defeating thought and eventually you’ll have evidence that you can finish a Sudoku.
Here’s an example of a mindless affirmation I heard in the ladies room at the hotel in Albuquerque right before I gave a keynote address for the New Mexico Department of Aging. A woman was standing at the mirror next to me fixing her hair and as she was leaving, she tossed over her shoulder: I don’t know why I’m fussing. No man’s going to look at me at my age. If that’s what she’s saying out loud, you can bet her internal dialogue is not any nicer than that. But she was wrong! She was a beautiful woman. Even if she was only kidding, often saying is believing and the negative ‘affirmation’ gets stuck in our subconscious mind – and that’s exactly what we want to do with positive affirmations.
Here’s another one. I don’t look as good as I used to. Once we make a negative judgment about a change in our looks, it can be the tiny fracture that eventually destroys our self-confidence.
Replacing what you might unthinkingly say with positive affirmations will change your life! Researchers have long recognized the power of positive thinking and positive affirmations to impact our health, wellbeing and motivation. And now, our youthfulness!
Love and Blessings,
Ellen
P.S. On Friday I’m taking a nice check to St. James Food Pantry, thanks to all of you who commented on my video montage (and gave me some good ideas for possible gigs). Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Great article although I feel it is one completely misunderstood by the masses, especially men. Firstly I have to ask are you talking about sex the way men think about it or the way women think about it. It is a well known fact the difference between the two is like caulk and cheese, for the majority of men sex is about how quick they can get to the destination whilst most women like to view it as a journey of pure pleasure the destination being the last thing they want to reach in a hurry. I read an article once where the writer funnily explained the difference between men and women is like the difference between a micro wave oven and a conventional oven, men heat up quick rearing to go whilst women warm up slowly and until men realise it is not a race to see who can finish first most women are going to continually feel frustrated until they find a man who is more interested in pleasuring them first before concerning himself with his own pleasure. Here is an excerpt from an article I read recently – “According to a study at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, men and women who reported having sex an average of four times per week looked approximately 10 years younger than they really were and a study at Queen’s University in Belfast in 1997 showed men and women who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of those who only occasionally had sex.” Sex aka making love which is totally different to what most view as sex is one of if not the best experiences a man and a woman can have with each other, not only for the health benefits but also the emotional benefits as well, while it is true you do not have to be in love to experience it it’s so much more meaningful if you are. For me personally it is a pity with the amount of divorces and relationship breakups happening these days usually but not always attributed to sexual dissatisfaction that more people do not take the time to invest themselves in learning the importance of maintaining a good sexual relationship within their relationship, I can almost guarantee there would be a lot more happier women and can doubly guarantee that men would be find out just who much more pleasure they had been missing out on as well. Even though this article primarily regards sex in older age the tone of it applies to all areas of life, reaching a certain age does not mean getting old it means reaching a maturity of knowing that age is nothing but a number it is not a death sentence, you have a choice, you can talk yourself to illness or you can talk yourself to wellness however it is only a choice you can make no one can make it for you. My apologies Ellen for the length of this.
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